What Does It Mean To Be a Man? 10 Commandments That Guide My Choices

"What does it mean to be a man?" 

I cannot provide a final answer to that question, but I would be glad to share ten principles that inform my decisions in matters of love and life.

real man

Please don't see this as a specific blue-print I think you should follow.

Manliness isn't something I can define for you. 

"What does it mean to be a man?" is a highly personal question you should decide based on your own experiences, beliefs, and passions.

In the comments, here's what I want to know. Go ahead and be thinking about it.

Ladies -- What do you look for in a man? 

Fellas -- What is a "manly" trait, ideal, or belief you personally live-out, and why do you think it's something any dude should do? 

I. A real man puts others before himself.  

Do less talking, and more listening.  Don't go on a tirade about how bad your day was without first asking about your partner's first.

See an old lady struggling to unload her grocery bags?  Stop and help her.

Have a pet at home?  When you get home from work, you best pay it some attention immediately.  It's been home, missing you all day.

II. A real man is firm in his convictions, but accepting of others.  

If you believe something, you should believe it with passion and conviction.

But at the same time, remember the world would be a very boring place if we all felt the same way.

Just because you're a Republican and this other guy's a Democrat doesn't mean he's an idiot.

He probably has very good reasons for believing whatever he does, just like you do.

Feeling brave? Have challenging (and rational!) conversations about hot-button issues with people on the other side of the fence.

You'll learn something new and hopefully develop some empathy while you're at it.

III. A real man isn't concerned with meeting societal stereotypes.

Being a jerk isn't manly.

Calling somebody a slut is not cool.

Picking on somebody isn't funny.

You don't get a trophy for having more sex than everyone else.  <----------- Tweet That Shit

Don't be a bully to impress your friends.

Be yourself, and don't apologize for it. Only rule? Don't be a dick. Otherwise, that's all on you.

IV. A real man cares about his appearance.  

Throwing on a suit and slacks will put serious pep in your step (trust me).

You should strive to build your ideal physique: whether that is one of a body-builder, Calvin Klein model, or athlete.  I'm going for the Roman Statue physique, myself.

V. A real man learns from his failures.

Failure to lose weight in your first month isn't a reason to quit working out.

A rough break-up doesn't mean you're eternally doomed for loneliness.

Lose your job?  You'll find another one, so enjoy the unplanned vacation.

Ever wanted to try self-employment?  Here's your chance.

Whether you lost a job, screwed up on your diet, went through a Hell of a break-up, or whatever the case may be -- failure isn't a reason to quit.

If you stretch yourself, failure is inevitable -- but it's a good thing.

You'll learn a lot about yourself.  You'll discover your weaknesses (and then you can fix them).

VI. A real man knows what he wants.

What do you want out of life? If you can't answer that question without hesitation, you're doing it wrong.

Without a hope, a dream, a vision -- life is a boring thing.

Whether you want to Squat 300 lbs -- open a new business -- be an astronaut -- write erotica -- whatever floats you boat...

Fucking do it. Life is too short to spend it on the bench. If you want it, go get it.

 VII. A real man holds himself accountable.

You--and only you--are responsible for your situation.

You can't be a dick to your girlfriend and blame it on stress at work.

If you're late, you're late. Don't blame "the traffic."

Accept responsibility for everything. 

VIII. A real man builds others up.  

Compliment people as much as possible.

Sweet tie?  Cute dress?  New hairdo?  Tell them how awesome it is.

Is your girlfriend's new skirt really HOT? Say so.

Did your bro get an a swank new suit? "You look quite GQ today. Watch out, ladies!"

IX. A real man doesn't add insult to injury.  

If you won an argument, don't brag about it.

If you must have a difficult conversation, try to keep it positive.

If "some nerd" tripped, don't laugh at him -- you have your doofus moments too, champ.

X. A real man admits when he screwed up.

If you mess up, apologize.  Don't dodge the issue.

Damage control is best done as quickly as possible.

The faster and more convincing your apology, the better.

You screwed up, so accept the consequences, and explain yourself.

Your Turn...

Ladies -- What do you look for in a man? 

Fellas -- What is a "manly" trait, ideal, or belief you personally live-out, and why do you think it's something any dude should do? 

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16 Responses to “What Does It Mean To Be a Man? 10 Commandments That Guide My Choices”

  1. - http://davidreed.me Says:

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  2. Steve Says:

    Great post! Absolutely loved it. keep it up. You dont find too many people today that are as honest as they should be.

  3. Erica Says:

    I think that this is great advice for men! What I look for in a man is Respect, Trust, loyalty and Kindness.

  4. Daniel Says:

    Appreciate that Erica. Sounds like some good traits to look for, can’t argue with that. 🙂

  5. Tarnished Says:

    Excellent list! I may have (unfortunately) been born as a female, but consider myself male. These traits are precisely the type of standard I hold myself up to every day.

    Most important trait to me? Adaptation.
    A real man works with any situation he’s been given, and for better or worse, actually DEALS with it. We find a solution, no matter what.

  6. What It Means To Be A Man | Guide To Living The Real Man's Lifestyle | Man-Trends.com Says:

    […] As Shown On: TheWallenWay.com […]

  7. zac Says:

    i agree. however it seems more and more people stay boys forever. for example if your 43 and you still live in your mom’s basement plying dungeons and dragons your a boy

  8. Chuck Says:

    I would argue that if you’re 43 and you ignore your wife and kids on the weekends so you can watch sports and drink with your buddies, then you’re just as much a boy as the often maligned and unfairly stereotyped D&D player. A ‘man’ never loses sight of what’s important in life and strikes a balance between his hobbies and his responsibilities such that his wife and family never take second place to the Monday night football game.

  9. ÿþT Says:

    What would be a good way to start a creative writing essay?

  10. Craig Says:

    great list. My son turns 18 this week and I’m putting together a list of what I think it means to be a man. One rule I’ve tried to instill in him is, “you don’t have to respect people that don’t respect you, but you should always be respectful.”

  11. How Do You Define a Strong Man? | Omaha Counseling Blog Says:

    […] strong man isn’t concerned with meeting societal stereotypes. As The Wallen Way puts it, a real man knows that “Being a jerk isn’t manly. Calling somebody a slut is not […]

  12. Lupee Says:

    Though I’m not a man, I hold myself to these standards. Always have and won’t waived from them anytime soon

  13. Michael Says:

    Great list. Thank you. A man to me is a grown up male. A woman is a grown up female. I think all the traits mentioned here in this post are equally true for mature human beings. What does make a man different than a woman though? That’s an interesting question. At my house my wife like to clean and I like to cook and fix things. We each play our roles. It could easily be that I clean and she cooks and fixes things though.

  14. Jeff H Says:

    A real man would never need another person to tell him that he was a real man.
    A real man puts his God, Country and Family above himself.
    A real man won’t follow others that lead with emotion rather than logic.
    A real man is always ready for battle and knows when the cause is worthy.

  15. Raikage Says:

    Well I am confuse if I am a man then lol.
    Like here is a list out of my stats and I am 28.
    1. Watch anime, and movies that have either action or suspense.

    2. Play video games mostly pc right now.
    3.Have two jobs for now
    4. live with parents
    6. Not afraid of the opposite sex
    7. Exercise 3 days a week
    8. Try to commit to action and instead of saying what I am going to do.
    . Only life goals I got right now is to look like Captain Falcon and be independent.

  16. Leon Lattibeaudiere Says:

    Real good advice please keep up the good work this has help me alot

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